She could have been here; if she wanted. She could have been here; if meant something. I knew the words were hollow when she spewed them; I heard their echo. Still I hoped that I was wrong. I hoped, what I heard was some kind of psychotic break. Something that could be explained away with six hundred dollars an hour and a sofa. Something that could be handled with powder pressed into a pill. Yea, that something you get hooked on, but need another to set you free. I sit here waiting for the door bell to chime. Waiting to hear that familiar melody. To end the silence. To end the loneliness. Yet the silence thickens and the depths of loneliness have no bounds.
With click, strike and a spark, the tobacco crackles as I take a drag to forget about the pain…
Yeah, she wanted me to get up and come running. She wanted me to stand in line, like the others. Suitors a plenty, but real men few. She wanted me to be the like the wiry snake-eyed fellow, whose lips where in a constant of pucker against her gluteus maximus. I suppose I was to be the portly fellow, whose clothes were two-sizes larger than needed. An attempt to hide his predilection for ho-ho’s and ding-dong’s, but melted remnants on his lapel and in the corner of his mouth spoke volumes. Perhaps, I was well dressed fellow, who every time he took a drag of marihuana, he would unleash this girlish giggle. I couldn’t help but to picture him in pigtails with pink ribbons that were chewed in the corner of his mouth. He sported a five o’clock shadow like it was still something stylish. I couldn’t help but wonder, if he was wearing socks with lace around the top. I believe it would definitely completed the look.
I exhale to relieve the strain. I exhale to let go. I exhale to be one step closer to the sanity for which I cling …I exhale.
But I wasn’t any of them. I was man whose name was revered so; that it was barely spoke above a whisper. There wasn’t a need to speak, people satisfied with a nod. I know what it means to love a woman for your entire life and be the better. I know how it feels to grab hold of someone and they grab you back. Never letting go… Hearing what their eyes speak when their mouths fail utter a word. Our bodies trembling from its power, our souls quivering, like the Earth shaking beneath your feet. I know one can only get there with love and respect for one another. No plastic smiles and hollow sentiments can take it place. An honor reserved for the special, reserved for the elite; Real men and women. Anyone else your attendance is futile. Perhaps, one day she will understand. Perhaps, if lips were detached, its sugar free, and smokeless would have a fighting chance. But, I what I really want to know. What has my curiosity stirring… How the hell did she ever get things so twisted?